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badday amandajane5

If you had a deep dark secret?

Posted on 2004.07.04 at 20:17
Current Mood: coldcold
What would you do?

I have this secret, that I have only told few of my friends, so deep so dark, so shameful. It eats you from inside, slowly sapping your life. But the thing that could give you most comfort, the truth, is not an option. By speaking I would destroy another life, one of the few people I truly love.

So I am despised and hated in secret, the people I know not knowing they hate me. They would if they knew, I do too. The man I adore would not want to know me if he knew. How can we love when we have to hide secrets? How can we breath?

Comments:


Sammi-Jayne
sammijmb at 2004-07-04 12:34 (UTC) (Link)
This is where I wonder if it would be wise to ask what's going on, knowing that if I don't it'll always bug me :-(
aurora_bee
aurora_bee at 2004-07-04 12:36 (UTC) (Link)
You're one of the few I've told, so you're kinda in on the know hon. Parents eh ;o)
Sammi-Jayne
sammijmb at 2004-07-04 12:41 (UTC) (Link)
That's a bit of a relief, though I have to admit I'm not entirely sure what you're refering to.

Still, you can fill me in at work, and as usual I can tell you what a paranoid little thing you are! *laughs*
aurora_bee
aurora_bee at 2004-07-04 12:43 (UTC) (Link)
'Little'? Lol, you know I think we got the roles reversed and that you are actually older than me.
Sammi-Jayne
sammijmb at 2004-07-04 12:59 (UTC) (Link)
I'm gonna decline to comment on that one ;-)

What's six months, anyway?
aurora_bee
aurora_bee at 2004-07-04 13:03 (UTC) (Link)
6 months is 2/3 of a baby! And it's 7 anyway sweetie!

*shows authority*

You will be going to bed at a normal time tonight! No tired sammi for work!
Sammi-Jayne
sammijmb at 2004-07-04 13:12 (UTC) (Link)
Yes mother! ;-)

Little 'un's been in bed since about six thirty - he came back from his grandparents one tired little ginger-nut.
aurora_bee
aurora_bee at 2004-07-04 13:15 (UTC) (Link)
Little sausage. Give him a pat from me (you know what I mean). Do you know what, I'm only getting notification emails from you! Feel lucky babe!

*snog*

Hehehe! Sorry in a funny mood, think there's vodka in this coke!
Sammi-Jayne
sammijmb at 2004-07-04 13:22 (UTC) (Link)
Hee - you in this kind of mood, I think I can live with *snuggles*

Probably talk to you tomorrow sweetie!
Jenna Elf
lilithraevyn at 2004-07-04 12:50 (UTC) (Link)
If you let it fester, it'll just keep eating. The question is - does it matter? What would come of telling others?

I have a secret. Something that I think someone in particular should know - but in the end, it would not HELP anything. The information is pointless.

There's a lot of things I've done. But, they are in the past. They are secret because I don't think that people need to know them NOW. They aren't who I am, they aren't what I'm doing now, and therefore are nonissues.

There's a lot of weighing you need to do on your own to determine if this is a "secret" or if this is just something you need to come to terms with For Yourself.
aurora_bee
aurora_bee at 2004-07-04 12:57 (UTC) (Link)
Currently I wouldn't be able to tell anyone, because the person it would most hurt is not open minded. But the problem is I feel the guilt others should have felt. It's part of me and it will never go away, so I guess I have to come to terms with it. Doesn't stop me hating it though.
Clyde
suzvoy at 2004-07-04 13:33 (UTC) (Link)
How can we love when we have to hide secrets? How can we breath?

Maybe because there's no other choice?

We can't let our mistakes hold our lives hostage.
aurora_bee
aurora_bee at 2004-07-04 13:48 (UTC) (Link)
Or others mistakes in this case. My own mistakes I can work with, I will tell the truth. But when someone you love tells you something and asks you to lie knowing it is not a part of who you are. I think it permanently keeps you a prisoner, restricted in bonds.
just abi
justabi at 2004-07-04 14:01 (UTC) (Link)
Sometimes when I keep things to myself for a long time, it seems to get increasingly significant untill it is all I think about, when if I had just said something a long time ago it wouldn't have been that bad. Really, not knowing what it is it would be hard to say "yeah, go ahead and tell" but if it is consuming you like this, you should proabably do something.
aurora_bee
aurora_bee at 2004-07-04 14:06 (UTC) (Link)
See someone else asked me not to tell but it's about me! No wonder I'm mad with her all the time. But if she hadn't told me I'd have part of me missing, like I did for the first 25 years of my life.

You so can't win.
just abi
justabi at 2004-07-04 14:17 (UTC) (Link)
So it's someone else's secret about you? I say take it out on her. Yelling is good. Or really, just talking with her would probably work.
aurora_bee
aurora_bee at 2004-07-04 14:22 (UTC) (Link)
might have a go at that. Though she complains I do it anyway. Who the hell can blame me though.
just abi
justabi at 2004-07-04 14:27 (UTC) (Link)
Certainly not me. Talking is always good, though sometimes I need someone else to remind me. Forcefully.
aurora_bee
aurora_bee at 2004-07-04 14:32 (UTC) (Link)
My mother is very single minded. Always right, even when she's wrong, and as you get older it hits you. But she still thinks I'm 5!
just abi
justabi at 2004-07-04 14:37 (UTC) (Link)
Mothers always think you are five. Sometimes they are right, though.
aurora_bee
aurora_bee at 2004-07-04 14:43 (UTC) (Link)
Controling and manipulative most of the time though, or maybe that's just my mother. Anyway I love her, and if I didn't have her I'd be very sad.
just abi
justabi at 2004-07-04 14:53 (UTC) (Link)
I think they teach controlling and manipulative in La Maze class, right before breathing. My mother says that it is just a mom noise like mooing is for cows or something.
aurora_bee
aurora_bee at 2004-07-04 15:00 (UTC) (Link)
Haha! I'll have to remember that one.
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