This is a follow on from Grenouille Violette, but is hopefully just funny on it's own.
Clark sat down at the table where a menu was placed in front of him. Lex sat opposite looking at his menu, drinking a glass of water. Clark expression was puzzled as he looked at his menu.
'Upside down Clark.' Whispered Lex. Clark rotated his menu, but it still made no sense, he frowned.
'Would you like me to order for you?' Asked Lex.
'No' snapped Clark, mortified he couldn't order his own food. Lex leaned back from the table surprised by Clark's eruption. A waiter appeared at the table.
'Would you like to order?' Lex looked to Clark for an answer, to his astonishment, Clark started to make his order.
'I would like the 's-car-git' followed by 'cock in van'.' Clark beamed. Lex sprayed the water he had been drinking over Clark, the menu, and the waiter. Clark looked down at his menu that was now covered in 'Lex juice' and prayed for a hole to swallow him up so he could die. The waiter struggled with Lex as he tried to catch his breath.
'Would you like to order Mr Luthor?' Asked the waiter.
'Oui' spluttered Lex. 'Je voudrais le poulet grille au basilic avec le salade du marche s'il vous plait.' The waiter nodded and walked away. Lex tried no to look at Clark, he was obviously humiliated, and Lex was sorry that he didn't have more control.
'I'm sorry, I should have let you order for me, I've shown you up.' Blurted Clark his face turned crimson. Lex heart leaped, Clark was upset and he couldn't abide it.
'You're not the one who gave everyone a cold shower, I spat over the waiter everybody noticed.' Said Lex trying to ease the situation. Clark looked around, people were indeed staring at and discussing Lex. 'Have some water Clark.' Lex passed Clark a glass and he sipped quietly.
'Can I ask you something Lex?' Whispered Clark.
'What have I ordered?' Lex grinned at Clark teasingly. 'Now if I were to tell you that, it might spoil the surprise.' Lex changed the subject quickly. 'So why aren't you in school?' Clark smiled.
'School trip, I hate the zoo. I don't like seeing anything caged.' Lex rubbed at his wrists, where the constraints had been, thoughtful, his eyes glazing over.
'No' He replied, avoiding Clark's eyes.
'I've got an hour before I have to get back.' The waiter appeared with Clark's appetiser. Lex's eyes lit up, as Clark looked down at his snails with distaste.
'Lex?' Clark looked at Lex with pleading eyes, Lex said nothing. Clark looked at the odd device that he'd been given with the snails and tried to figure out how to use it. He placed a snail into it and tried to crack it open, and sent the snail into space, landing with a plop into the woman at the next table's soup. She scowled at Clark indignantly. Lex coolly looked her straight in the eye.
'Have a problem?' The woman shook her head slowly and continued to eat her soup, trembling.
'Snails from outer space.' Joked Lex, Clark shifted in his seat uncomfortable with the comment.
'Lex, I don't like these, I'm sorry can I have something else?'
'What would you like?' Inquired Lex. Clark looked nervously at the next table.
'What ever that man has looks nice.' Lex looked at the man's meal.
'Frogs legs.' Said Lex. Clark's mouth dropped open. 'They are an acquired taste.'
'I'm not sure I want to eat the food here.' Clark sighed. 'I always liked Kermit, and I don't want to know what cock in van is.' Clark started to get up.
'I hear the cock in Ferrari is very good today, would you like to try it.' Lex giggled. Clark looked confused, and started to put on his coat.
Walking back to the car Clark glanced at Lex with sad eyes.
'I'm hungry. Want to go to the Happy Burger?' Lex reached up and brushed the remains of the water out of Clark's hair.
'Sure.' He said with a warm smile.
Please excuse the bad French it's been a while ;o)