[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]
Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Aurora_bee is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Mrinnuendo. So everyone, please put your hands together for Aurora_bee!
[The crowd whoops and hollers]
Jerry: Okay, now Aurora_bee you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
Jerry: And what is this other person's name?
You: Lana Lang.
[The crowd squeals with delight]
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Lana Lang, is actually here tonight ...
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Aurora_bee, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Lex Luthor!
You: What the HELL!!!
[Out of nowhere you pull out a gun. Lex Luthor reaches for the Glass table. Out of the shadows Clark Kent appears]
Clark Kent: Wait everybody, wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Lex Luthor.
Lex Luthor: Because I saw Aurora_bee and Clark Kent making out at Hamleys!
[The crowd goes absolutely insane]
Clark Kent: That's a lie! I was home watching Batman!
Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Lex Luthor?
Lex Luthor: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Mrinnuendo who has recently become engaged to Clark Kent.
[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Mrinnuendo out here because Aurora_bee had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Lana Lang that's right!
Mrinnuendo: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Lana Lang! You know how I feel about Lana Lang!
Clark Kent: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Lana Lang!
Mrinnuendo: Because I knew that I could never have Lana Lang. But Aurora_bee promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Clark Kent: What about respect for my feelings!
[Lex Luthor walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Mrinnuendo]
Lex Luthor: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
[Again the crowd squeals]
Clark Kent: Oh my God! Are you sick!?
[Clark Kent runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]
Clark Kent: Aurora_bee take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...
[The crowd does its bit]
Clark Kent: Married?
Clark Kent: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Lana Lang.
Mrinnuendo: [screaming] WHAT!!!
Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?
Lana Lang: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 69 times if that's what you mean.
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... Aurora_bee is married to Lana Lang who Mrinnuendo has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Mrinnuendo has recently become engaged to Clark Kent who was recently spotted kissing Aurora_bee in Hamleys. Now on top of this, Lex Luthor has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Mrinnuendo.
Lana Lang: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.
[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]
Ok so laughing my ass off here!
Whoops Bee filled it out wrong!